Working Relationships | Steve Britton

A sad but true aspect of human relationships is that, more often than not, they don?t last forever. A relationship that is going to work requires a lot of work, by everybody involved. If you don?t put the required time and effort into it, the relationship ends. There?s not a lot of mystery here?that?s the way it is.

There are lots of reasons for this. First of all, people change with time. In fact, everything changes with time. That?s a fundamental rule of the universe. But as people grow and mature?and then continue to mature?everything about them changes.

We are all aware, in some cases painfully aware, of how our appearances change. Getting older can be no fun for people who don?t really want to get older, or who at least don?t want to look like they?re getting older, even though they are. We do all kinds of crazy things to try and stop the process or at least to fool other people that we stopped it.

(Very rarely are we successful at this endeavor, despite what we think, or even what other people say.) Maybe it would be better to just give up trying and just accept the fact that age is taking its toll, like Steven Tyler of Aerosmith and now American Idol fame. Steven dresses like he?s sixteen but looks like he?s ninety-six, and doesn?t seem to care about either aspect of his appearance. Then again, why would he?

But back to my point. As human beings, we change emotionally as well as physically. And from a relationship standpoint, our emotional changes are far more dramatic?and difficult to deal with?as are our physical changes. Which is one of the main reasons why relationships require so much work.

In order to keep a relationship on track, we need to understand the changing emotional needs of the people we are trying to relate to. If we can communicate effectively with the other person, we can often adapt our approach and our communications style to match the evolution of the other person. But if we don?t communicate and can?t adapt, the relationship is doomed.

This is true by the way for all of our relationships. The most obvious example is how old schoolmates change from the way they were back in the day to the here and now. If you haven?t seen someone for twenty or thirty years, of course there are going to be major changes. And of course the relationship you had with those people back in the day is no longer the same relationship you have with them now?if you even have a relationship at all.

But the erosion of a relationship based on emotional change can happen much closer to home?and your heart?as well. Even the most intimate, close, personal relationships require constant work and effective communication to survive. There are far too many estranged parents and divorced spouses who can attest to this. The sad and true reality is without ongoing focus and significant effort on behalf of each person, these relationships can easily grow brittle and break apart over time.

Ok, so we know we need to communicate, and we know that making a relationship work requires a lot of work. Why then is this such a problem? If we understand the causes of failed relationships, of relationships that mean a lot to us, why do we go ahead and let them fail?

The answer is simple?laziness. We start to take things for granted. We get caught up in our own lives, and forget how important the lives of other people are to our own happiness. When this happens, all of our relationships suffer.

Don?t let this happen to you. If you?re having relationship problems with close family members, understand the cause?everybody is changing. Hopefully it?s not too late to recognize what?s happening and to correct it. The longer the relationship has been in place, the more emotional capital you have invested in it. I think it?s always best to try and not throw that away. But if you have to, do it gracefully and respectfully. One way or another, you need to take action.

And if you want to reconnect with those old schoolmates from back in the day, you?ll also have to take action, but of a different sort. Reach out to them and reconnect. Get up off your butt, get out of the house, and go meet up. Have a mini reunion or something. And most importantly, enjoy the process. It really is a lot of fun.

Tags: mini reunion, reconnecting, schoolmates, Steve Britton

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